sideways

I lay here and observe the world sideways. Not with one of those casual glances but actually study the landscape. That house over there looks like a giants face half planted in the earth, a window eye and shingle sideburns.  I have half read a book, as I do so often, titled a sideways look at time. It is one of my favourites. The essay moves the reader through the evolution of time and its keeping through the generations. It reminds me so fully that this arrow is but a perception of vibration.  We as humans have so many descriptors for time, so many associations - who had a calendar with cute puppies for each month? I remember being thrilled to change over the month and when younger and wished for time to pass quickly. Now that I have achieved most of the milestones set forth by this society i find my wish is for time to slow, for that extra hour with a friend round the fire, for one more day in a busy week, a kiss to last an hour instead of a minute.
I know I will blink and this moment will be the past. So I lay here, sideways, and cherish this time.

spring forward

of course i am here writing.
heart break has been shared by many but I do not write songs so prose will have to do.
I fall to my knees and give gratitude for this hurt I feel for if it did not hurt it was not good.  Is it this time again already in my life?  A time to pack up my belongings and move along.  Most times I am the one to decide when that time has come. Not this time. For the first time in my adult life someone broke up with me.  Perhaps that is strange.  I guess I was due.... I mean it is not like I have had many relationships, I tend to be choosey- but this one was different.  I guess I am still in the learning and challenging myself stage.  Compromising because I think it is necessary for a relationship to flourish.  In all reality the compromise was of myself.  At least that is what the strong part of me tells my broken heart.  I thought i was doing the right thing but in the end was blaming others for what-in-fact were my choices.  Anyone who knows me would ask me why i did not take my own advice.  I am the first person to say that if you do not like something that you should change it.
However, something exciting is happening.  I am veering back upon the path that I was on before I met him.  Back to the things I used to fill my time with when not caring for the needs of another. I realize my sadness is nothing more than selfish agony.  The pleasure of releasing the other person from the burden of the relationship has become clear.  Both parties better off in the end.  Changed forever by the relationship and ready to take lessons learned to the next.
For now i listen to sad songs and commiserate with Elton and a box of tissues.
tomorrow i put on my big girl panties- because my sister said to- and get myself back out of the pit of despair and back into the sunlight, where I know I belong.  I took my bright light down there and before it faded to a paler shade I got the kick in the arse to recharge it.
So I am going to shine on like the crazy diamond that I am.
Cheers Mate.