life by the seat of my toilet

in my house the toilet seat is just where it is, if you need it up put it up, if you need it down then put it down.  There is no usual or expected position.  the needs of one of us does not supercede the needs of the other.  i had not really given this much thought until I stayed the night at my friend Joel's place.  He has a roommate Zac and sometimes Zac's son stays over.  The toilet seat at their house is always down.  these three have been trained to put the seat down for the ladies... now if you put the lid down because you have dogs or for feng shui reasons that's a little different but if you do it for a woman I have to ask WHY? 

perhaps i am just too unrefined to comprehend what is so egregious about touching the toilet seat or what is so difficult about looking before you sit, ladies?  hell, if you go to ecuador most bowls do not even have a seat, you perch your heiny on the edge of the porcelain and do your business.  but see, i would go anywhere, anytime.... many a fellow traveler has seen my white ass on the side of the road.   

i have been reading a fabulous book "from power to partnership" by Montuori and Conti.  like many of the tomes on my shelf it gets picked up and read in fits and starts.  The book mark inside is the campground map for Brainard Lake and marks a page that begins "... is passionate about the need to develop new archetypes or role models for women and men.  We are constantly bombarded with images that reinforce the dominator society..."  to that I say "no shit sherlock".  but then i have worked hard to practice partnership over power.  for when you aim to control someone else's behaviour you are merely judging that your way is better than theirs.  and what gives you that right? i believe there is only one real wrong in this world and that is judgement.  

so ladies, please stop congratulating yourselves on getting your man and kids to behave as you wish.  in fact, in the mornings i do remark that the toilet seat is a little bit warmer for not having sat on the cold bowl all night. 

The Turtle

i own and drive an Econoline E-250 van.  it used to be a cable van, if you stand just right you can see the shiny "Adelphia" on the side where the company stickers used to be.  it came with a metal divider to separate the two front seats from the rest of the cargo hold.  i toyed with the idea of getting a mobile home but all i saw was miniature crappy specialized mechanical, electrical and plumbing.  i knew i could do better and be more covert and mobile.  the back has a bed built over the wheel well under which is a bin with clothes, a bin with outwear, one cooler for keeping food cold, one cooler for dry food, two water jugs and a tool box. i bought standard van shelving which i configured to hold milk crates. in those crates are kitchen stuff, lantern, books, toiletries and other necessities.  stove, ax, yoga mat, tent occupy the spaces in between.  the van has an inverter to supply AC electric, a kick ass stereo and a lock box to put my laptop and camera inside of.  the only give away that my van is not your standard plumbers/electrician/cable van is the RV vent/fan near the rear over the bed.   I made magnetic curtains for all of the windows and have put up class 1 insulation over the entire cargo hold. 

her name is persephone.  i have seen 45,000 miles of north america through her panoramic windshield.  on a particular trip through the desert on my way to the grand canyon, singing along at full force, it occurred to me that i had everything i needed with me.  i had my home on my back.  i was just like a turtle.  a moment later i stopped at a roadside grouping of native artists selling wares to stretch my legs and see what the tribes in that part of the country considered art and craft.  past the horse hair pottery examples a tray of jewelry lay.  among the eagles and dragonflies a ring of silver topped by a turquoise turtle beckoned.  Of course it fit perfectly, and is the only one i have ever seen.  

i look at the ring on my finger now and it reminds me that whether i am in the van or not, i AM the turtle and my home is on my back, with me at all times.  and just as the turtle cannot separate itself from its shell, neither can i be parted from my connection to all.  

Dude, I just got snow in my sandal

Click here to view these pictures larger

I have lived in Colorado on and off now for 4 years now and if you can say something besides "wow it is beautiful" it would be "wow is the weather unpredictable".  this is most especially true now i live at 9000 feet.  it was just snowing outside and it is +7C... The sun scorches every surface in just seconds. Well i finally got around to downloading and organizing some pictures I took around town and on a drive that Adam and I took over Loveland Pass.  When you live in the interior of the mountain range, you get around using passes, tunnels, studded tires and alot of 4x4/AWD.  I have not driven the van since I got stuck in the Natural Grocers parking lot.  So as i put the snowshoes away for the season and pull my florida worthy collection of sandals out i share these pics with you.

Ecuador one year later

i think about the land where everything wants to grow and ache for it's abundance.

i remember people who stopped and helped each other because they recognize we are all community.  

i contemplate the peaceful protests and actions of the citizenry against their own government.

i smell the cigarette a group of men would share, never hogging an entire stick for oneself.

i feel the release of tension the nightly swim in the hot springs provided

i hear a dog bark and recall how a pet without an owner behaves.

i watched the transporter movie the other day and thought about it's spanish counterpart being blared over the bus speakers.

i rub my belly and think of the water that looks just fine but will infect you. 

i feel the weight of my backpack and the comfort in knowing all i needed was with me

i listen for the sound of the ocean right outside my window

i watch for pink bananas at the supermarket
i ache for a horse to run

i talk about mining rights and indigenous people 

i would eat a guinea pig in a heart beat

i scratch jungle bug bite scars 

i marvel at how shitty american drivers really are, even with two lanes and lines and signs and everything

i hear children confident and able

i feel the love of a community that sees you off at the bus stop

i remember

            and it all makes me smile

water

Went for a walk today, in my world this means i took a path perpendicular to any road or urban area.  I am very lucky these days, all i have to do is walk up the mountain from my house and there is a trail head, luckier still that no one seems to use it much.  so i stand on the edge of civilization and read the map, study the warnings, going to have to remember to wear hunter orange in the fall... suddenly the invisible force field that seems to separate the worlds envelopes me and urges me forward.  Now I do not hear the cars or dogs in the neighbourhood for the forest has my focus.  Less than 100 steps in and I am now part of the heartbeat, accepted.  Spring snow squeaks under foot, the print almost letting water in the wake of my weight.  The aspen whips have been dancing in the meadow, skirts of space around each in the blanket of white.  the north side of trees and boulders still wear their winter jackets, moss still green on the east surfaces- does it tolerate the freezing i wonder.  water transforming everywhere.  drizzle falls from the sky where the trees stand together on this warm and sunny day.  as if the ionic bond reaches over distance, water seems to be magnetically drawn to itself.  Fused and flowing, the creek eats up surface ice exposing it's song.  Here in the shade, for trees always grow along the banks, winters autobiography is left in layers, orderly as tree rings.  not a breath of wind today but the forest moves.  branches spring skyward as snow payloads fall, chain reactions bouncing the trees around.  I sit and feel at one with this time and place for I too am water.  

Travelling Light

I don’t have many possessions these days.  Got it widdled right back to just the stuff I really like or can use.  Sentimentality is taken in small things, literally.  I collect rocks, shells, miniature glass… portable stuff.  Its not to say I don’t have things for a long time. For instance the lamp that lights my desk now is the one I bought for my desk at Staples oh, I don’t know, about 14 years ago. And I still have my first dolly, her face is crazy melty 40 year old plastic but I still love to put my hand inside, work the arms and ask myself animated questions.  I just have less of everything.  I was pained to buy two more cereal bowls recently but admitted that they would be used every day.  That’s the rule, if I can’t use it today I don’t really need it.  Improvisation relieves you of the responsibility of earning the money to buy the specialized thing.  You could use that money to travel, well that’s just my gypsy showing…  I just think that the stuff we accumulate tends to be specialized, just like we have become.  

Our job descriptions are a great example, I was a customer service representative level II once. Maybe if someone else didn’t define your job you could do the aspects you enjoyed and be really good at it.  Instead we cram ourselves into these definitions so we can move up the ladder, because that is what is next, more money, more stuff.   I totally digress.

If you can’t use it right now you don’t really need it.  I am constantly amazed at how I can give something away, that yes I will need next season, and how there one is when I go back looking for it.  How many times do we speak of luck.  What if you made your own luck, by continuing to try? How would you feel lucky if you never risked it?  My security comes from knowing myself, not from the things around me.  Knowing that I am tried and true, reliable, knowing that the answer is always in the question.    Digression once again…

Put half your stuff in storage.  Anyone who has staged their home for sale knows this.  Your place will look better, everyone will say so.  There will be room in the closets and in the cupboards.  Not room for more things, if you really want something you can go shopping at the store of all your favorite stuff, your own storage locker. If it is not your favorite stuff it is time to let it go.   If you might need it, the same chance exists that you may not.  What if you gave away a part of yourself on each of the things you own, how much you is left?

I think I have looked at this idea more than most.  You could only bring what would fit in your car when a hurricane came ashore in Florida.  You sort out what is most important.  I have moved often, culling the heard to fit in someone’s pick up.  I have lived in my van, out of a back pack, off of a motorcycle, examining what should take up crucial space and add weight. I used to get to say that all my stuff fit in my van but I think these 2 new cereal bowls have pushed me over the limit. 

Influence

During a visit to my Uncle Paul's house we were down in the basement listening to records when I commented that he had many of the same albums that my parents did when I was growing up.  He looked at me and matter-of-factly said "influence my dear, influence".   We put each of these records on the turntable and gave them a spin and listen.  I was instantly transported back to the days when my dad would pull the speakers out of the large console unit, turn them toward each other and sit me between them to experience Time and Money by Pink Floyd.   Then to the car where we would take road trips with James Taylor and Don Maclean urging us on with miles of sing-a-long.  Many of these artists are in my collection to this day.  I still "let time go lightly" with Harry Chapin and have slipped away on Lightfoot's carefree highway.   


Every relationship I foster brings occasion for influence.  The opportunity to learn about something from a different perspective is precious but can oft be ignored.  I believe there are no coincidences, you get exactly what you need and every thing/person/experience has something to offer. 


I am forever grateful for the influences that shape the soundtrack of my life.